


My Brothers Keeper

by Saquesha13



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Cancer, Cancer Arc, Eventual Romance, Leukemia, M/M, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Turtlecest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-06-30 13:52:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15753021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saquesha13/pseuds/Saquesha13
Summary: "Raphael," Donnie takes a deep breath, tears pooling at his dark brown eyes. "The tests came back, and y-you have cancer. Leukemia, stage f-four." His voice cracks, at the break of tears as he basically tells his brother he has a few months left to live.





	1. The highway to hell

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING****   
> PLEASE DO NOT PROCIDE WITH READING IF CANCER IS TRIGGER FOR YOU**
> 
> Okay. I am going to attempt to do a multi-chapter fit here. Lets see how it goes.  
> Now, I myself have never had cancer. But my sister and father have, and damn it was rough. Luckily my dad had a quick recovery and is cancer free, but my sister is still dealing with it.   
> I am planning on writing this fic mostly in Leo/Don/Mike's perspective cuz I know what its like watching someone close to you experience something so fucking terrible. But we will see how it goes.  
> Please do not read if you cannot handle this topic. I do not want this triggering anyone.   
> I guess this is a way of me copeing with what I've experienced and still am experiencing with my family, but with this story there is a HAPPY ENDING I PROMISE. and its got a bit of tcest and intense badly written fight scenes. 
> 
> I am so sorry if there are any errors. My life is a hellhole of adulating atm and I'm currently posting this at almost 3AM. 
> 
> But any who, enjoy chapter number one.~

Crashing his sia into the Footbot’s skull with a deep growl, Raph yanks it out roughly kicking the robots body away from him to move onto the next. 

They are completely surrounded, and the Footbot’s keep coming. Throwing three of his ninja stars from his belt, they land perfectly at their target, taking out three Footbots who were all taking Mikey on at once. 

“Thanks bro!” The orange-clad turtle shouts a little out of breath, trying to be heard over all the metal on metal clashing. They have been going at this for an hour already!

“Always got yer back Mike!” Raph shouts back, more out of breath than his younger sibling. 

Damn, this fight is taking a toll on his body.

A swarm of bots come out of nowhere causing Raph to back up to separate his distance between them. As he backs up, eyes completely focused on his enemy, his shell bumps into something. Scared it could be an enemy he does a quick over the shoulder glance. Reassurance floods through his entire body when he realizes its Leo, who doesn’t even glance back probably sensing it was Raph.

Shell to shell they take on their enemy’s in front of them. 

A quick glance to the left shows that Mikey and Don have taken the same position as him and Leo. 

Knowing you have your shell protected makes the fight so much easier. But apparently not as easy as you want, because 50 more Footbots appear, flooding the apartment rooftop the fight is taking appearance on. 

“Dammit!” Raph curses. His body sure is taking a toll on him tonight. He normally never gets winded this easy so what the fuck gives?! 

Turning to face his big brother, he warns out a quick, “Duck.” Before throwing the last ninja star he has packed in his belt, to tired to even tug his lips up in a smile like he usually does when it hits his target head on. 

“Thanks.” Leo says. No sign that he is even the slightest bit winded. Like this is like a warm up for him before the real fight starts. 

One sharp swipe of his katana takes out four footbot’s, their heads fall clean off as their bodies crash to the floor at Leo’s feet. The leaders eyes swipe to Raph’s and in an instant he takes out a bot that was coming to Raph’s right side. “Don’t worry about me Raph, I can handle myself. You need to pay more attention that could have been a lethal blow!” He lectures as he swipes his sword at another enemy behind Raphael going towards his legs.

Raph would never admit it out loud, but watching his brother so focused, watching those blues eyes so determined is just…. beautiful. It’s almost like he’s dancing. Every move, every swipe of his katana is so perfect, no flaws. Leo practices countless of hours to get this good for a reason, and damn it sure pays off.

And Raph is mesmerized, like a moth to a flame.

Raph is so caught off in his own thoughts that he barley registers the fact that he is being lectured. Movement behind Leo’s shoulder catches Raph’s eye, with the flick of the wrist he throws his sia knocking down his opponent. Him and Leo quickly switch positions. 

Both shell to shell again, but now in opposite directions as. When they started. 

Footbot’s continue to fill in from left and right, so many that Raph cannot see his little brothers anymore. He begins to worry, anger fills his gut. 

Stupid Foot. Stupid fucking Sherdder. 

“Mikey! Donnie! Ya alright over there!?” He shouts as loud as his raspy worn out voice will allow, retrieving his thrown sia from the bots chest he quickly elbows a bot in the neck hard.

It takes a minuet for a response from the younger turtles, and Raph really begins to worry. About to call out to them again, he immediatley relaxes when Don calls out. 

“Oh yeah!” The purple-cladded turtle replies, sarcasm written all over his tone of voice. “Fine and dandy over here!” His voice lowers at the last part of that sentence, sounding like he might have taken a hit to the plastron. 

“Fearless,” Raph says in a low husked tone, dodging a blow to the shoulder. “Ya know, I’m not really one ta leave parties early.” He rasps, doing a spin kick that knocks down two bots. “But this party sucks ass.” 

“Your right.” His big brother says, clearly distracted by the tone of his voice. The sound of bots being torn to shreds behind his shell makes Raph tempted to turn around but keeps his focus on the target in front of him. 

He can finally see the edge of the rooftop again, thats their exit.

One tap on Leo’s shoulder tells him all he needs to know. 

“Now guys NOW!” Leo yells, one hand gripping Raph’s shaking shoulder the other hand gripping his katana. Their brothers hot on their trail. 

Leaping across the rooftops, they landed right in the trap.

The Shredder and his bitches are all on the roof with him. 

“You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me!” Raph groans, turning around to see if its a better path, but the footbot’s followed them and are on the next rooftop over.

“Hello, Leonardo.” Karai hums, sitting by her fathers side sharpening her tonto. “You know, its rude to show up late to things. We have been waiting for god knows how long.” She rolls her eyes, clearly annoyed and stands in a fighting stance. “Oh, but at least your brothers had fun!” She laughs darkly eyeing the poor worn out brothers.

Mikey has a few scrapes on his sea green limbs, one gash in particular on his leg looks like it might need stitches. He is breathing real hard, trying to catch his breath, ready for a fight.

Donatello doesn’t look much better. He stands to Mikey’s right, bow staff at the ready with a big frown on his face clearly not happy with the situation at hand. You can practically see the gears in his head turning from here. Looking for a possible way to retreat fast.

Raphael looks the worst out of all of them. Sweat and his own blood painted all over his body. He is breathing so hard that his head spins with every inhale. Its like the air is taunting him, as if not breathing will solve the issue at hand. He growls feeling angry at the thought and draws his twin sia up, ready to get this over with already.

He feels Donnie’s eyes on him, sensing that something is really off with how he is in the worst shape out of all of them.

“Well, I am thinking of dining on some turtle soup this evening, plenty to go around to all of us. What do you guys say we get started so we can eat sooner, aye?” Fishface smirks, being the first to attack lunging at Michelangelo. 

And the real fight begins.

Karai storms up to Leo, purposely taking the Leader’s attention away from her master, both of them knowing he wants to go for the weakest, Raphael. 

Picking his prey off one by one. 

So Leo wasn’t surprised when Razhar took on Donatello, and Tigerclaw jumping in-between him and Mikey at their weak spots.

Leo is seething. Wanting more than anything to find an escape. His clan is in no shape to be fighting this battle right now. If he doesn’t come up with a plan soon then he may face his worse fear tonight. He could fail. He could be to late, his brothers could die. 

Clenching his teeth, Leo’s frown deepens as he drives his twin katana into Karai’s tanto HARD. Causing her to slide back giving him the advantage, and boy does he take it. With a swift thrust forward he drives the tip of his sword into her leg all the way through, and in a blink of an eye its pulled right out as if it was never there at all. 

Karai shrieks, grasping ahold her injured leg as blood gushes out pooling beneath her feet. Even in complete pain she still manages to give Leo a death glare. She attempts to get up off the cold ground but stumbles back down with a gasp, trying to get up clearly made her almost faint.

Good, Leo thinks. With her down now he can help his brothers.

He turns around and barley blocks a gun shot right in the face with his katana. Tigerclaw. Karai screaming must have gotten his attention. 

A quick glance around to see how the rest of his clan is managing shows it has gathered more then Tigerclaw’s attention. His brothers all struggle trying to hold their own against their enemy’s. 

Leo then notices Raph. 

And god. He regrets looking.

Because all he can think of now is, save him, protect him. 

He hears strangled yell and soon realizes it came from his own body as he lunges at Tigerclaw. Going for a counterattack, swiftly dodging what was going to be a sword to the face and swings it back at the tiger. Leaving a big gash on his cheek. 

“Oh Leonardo, you’ll pay for that.” The tiger scowls and leaps right at the leader.

But luckily thats what Leo was hoping to happen. At the last second, he doges the tiger’s sword again and swoops underneath the mutant, quickly using what he learned from the ancient one. Pressure points can be a bitch.

Tigerclaw falls face first to the ground. “LEONARDO YOU COWARD!” He yells. “COME FIGHT ME LIKE A REAL WARRIOR!” 

But Leo ignores him. His soul focus is to get to Raph.

Get to Raph. Get to Raph. Get to Raph!

It all happens to fast. In a blink of an eye.

One second Raph is holding his own, struggling, but barley managing. Saki brings his fists barring down, about to make the final strike, but before his fists make contact Raph collapses to the ground, eyes rolling to the back of his head.

It took Leo by surprise, and it obviously took The Shredder by surprise as well. His hands jerk back slightly, the only hesitation Leo has ever seen with that bastard. But he doesn’t use this slip up as a waste. 

“RAPHAEL!” He shouts, swooping in an landing a shot to The Shredders cheek with his heel knocking him to the side. 

Donnie, completely out of breath, flips his bow around expertly whipping Razar almost clear off the roof. And Mikey outsmarts Fishface by faking an attack and transitioning into a uppercut to the jaw. 

Fighting dirty, as Master Spinter and Leo would say, and it is, its a simple move Raph taught him. But he had no choice, his big brother is down! They have to get out of here now!

With all of their opponents down for a brief second, Mikey and Donnie dash over to Leo who is hovered over an unconscious Raph and they throw down the smoke bombs making a swift exit.

Getting Raph down and off the roof was extremely difficult. But somehow Leo said nothing as he did it on his own, carrying his bother on his shoulder alone. In seconds they were off the roof and in the sewer tunnels, completely vanished from sight.

“Did you guys,” Mikey starts but is gasping for air as they make their way through the sewer. “Did ya see him just collapse?” He pauses trying to catch his breath better. “Cuz that,” Mikey blinks a few times, thinking to how he wants to word this. “He’s never EVER full on passed out mid battle. And yeah - tonight was a long ass fight, but we’ve fought for much longer than that, and more intense fights.” Mike’s brow pinches in concern.

Donnie sighs. “I think we all saw it happen Mikey. Once we get him back to the lair I want to run a sequence of tests. Just to be sure everything is fine. I might need to put him on a fluid ivy as well, he is dehydrated.” He glances over at his other brothers, his scowl deepens. “And once Raph is all done I want to patch you two up. You both look like shit.”

“Well, you don’t look like a million bucks either Don.” Mikey gives his genius of a brother a small smile and nudges his brother in the arm with his elbow.

Leo just hums, keeping his eyes and ears peeled. They may be blocks away from the fight, they may have been silent, but they could have been seen. 

Besides, his mind can’t unsee Raphael, seconds away from death as his body collapsed right at Shredders toes. 

Something is wrong. Because Raph is the most stubborn turtle, and he doesn’t just black out in the middle of a fight with The Shredder himself.

Leo just hopes whatever it is, won’t be to hard to fix.

Raph’s head softly bounces on Leo’s shoulder as Leo walks through the water in the tunnel. He holds onto Raph’s hands tighter, feeling the warmth radiating onto his own. Taking a deep breath, just feeling him helps. Helps Leo know he is alive. 

I promise little brother. Whatever is going on, you’ll be okay. Leo thinks to himself as they make their long trek home, trailing behind Mikey and Don.

Who would have thought a night of patrol would fold out like this, huh?


	2. Calm Before the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael wakes up with questions, his family helps by answering them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow im kinda shocked with all the kudos and the nice comment left on the last chapter! Thanks for all the love <3 This chapter is short but so important. It shows Raph slowly losing himself in a way, but there is also fluff. **There is a small mention of a panic attack in this chapter so skip this one if that triggers anything for you**  
> But as the title says, this is the calm before the storm.  
> Happy reading (:

“- all the tests I took it should be a few days till we get the results back since - “

Raphael cannot move, doesn’t have the energy to even open his eyes. Damn what the fuck happened? Why is it so freakin hard to move!

Beep. Beep. Beep.

“ - weird, this just isn’t like him! Its throwing off my vibe! Like one second he’s all - “

Fuuuuuck. 

Who the hell is screaming so damn loud! Raph wonders as his head throbs from the loud voice. More voices answer, all speaking about something, coming from different spots. But what exactly are they talking about? Why is it so hard to focus? Why does Raph’s body want nothing more then to fall back in to a deep deep sleep? What the fuck happened?!

“ - so loud Mikey! Raph should be awake anytime now and I’m not so sure he’d like waking up to you screaming.” The stern voice said sounding closer to Raph then the others.

Leo.

Fearless.

Beep Beep Beep. Beep.

Raph could recognize that voice anywhere. And it makes sense that the loud obnoxious one is Mike. So that must mean the first one he heard was Donnie.

But why can’t Raph see them?! 

Where is this damn beeping noise coming from!?

Why is he so weak?

Something must have happened.

“Yeah Leo’s right. He did take a serious beating last night and probably has a concussion. His head hit the concrete too, pretty damn hard when he fainted.” Donnie says coming from the left side of the room.

Beating. Fainted. 

All of the memories come flooding back at once. 

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep Beep Beep.

“Donnie, whats happening?!” Someone asks, frantic. Raph can’t focus on whose saying what anymore. 

“ - don’t know! He must be waking - “

The Foot, the trap, The Shredder. The last thing Raphael saw before he blacked out was two giant fists barreling at his skull. 

Jerking up, Raph’s whole body feels like it was dunked in a bucket of ice water. His green eyes snap open, fists rising up ready to connect with whatever is in his way.

Beep beep beep beep. Beep.

He expects to be on the roof. He expects to see Shredder above him. He should be dead. 

Beep beep beep. Beep. Beep.

What he doesn’t expect is to see his father and three brothers with concerned expressions on their face, Leo is the closest to him, his mouth is moving but words aren’t coming out? 

“ - okay Raph, you’re okay. You are safe.” Oh, words are coming out apparently. 

Beep beep. Beep. Beep.

They are in Don’s lab, not on the roof. 

Safe. 

He is safe.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

“Mhhhm.” Raph groans, leaning back down on to whatever it is he is laying on holding his throbbing head in his hands. “God. Mike, yer loud ass mouth woke me up.” He grumbles feeling extremely weak, letting his eyes shut for a few moments.

Mikey chuckles, “You had to wake up at some point sleeping beauty~” Raph cannot see him, but can picture the big ass grin written all over that freckled face.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

“What the fuck is that annoying ass beeping? Im not talking about Mike this time.” His voice came out as more of a wine, even thought he wanted to sound more annoyed. Whatever. 

“Hey!” Mikey’s offended voice is closer now, and even louder then before. Raph clenches his eyes shut tighter hoping this will help block out the loud noises. 

Obviously it did not work.

Raph’s eyes pop open when he feels someone touching his collar bone. It’s Donnie, leaning directly above him. “You are connected to a heart monitor. We wanted to play it safe, but now that your awake you don’t need it anymore.” He tears the sticky circles off of Raph’s chest.

“You gave us quite the scare, my son.” Master Splinter says from his chair in the corner of the room. “Leonardo sensed something was off and was headed your way before you collapsed,” At these words Raph’s eyes shifted to Leo. Leo is starring at his toes in deep concentration, clearly not wanting to make eye contact.

Leo thought Raph was going to die. Its written all over his face.

Ever so slowly, Raph moves his arm so it drapes over the edge of the cot he is laying on. A small gesture for Leo, who is sitting directly next to him to hold onto his outstretched hand. To ground him. To let his big brother know he is okay.

Leo’s blue eyes immediately follow the hand as it moves out to him, he blinks a few times in confusion but once he realizes what is happening, he slides his hand into Raph’s holding on tight.

“Yeah, if it weren’t for Leo, we don’t know what would’ve happened bro.” Mikey mutters.

“I’d be dead.” Raph says, looking Leo right in the eyes. “If it weren’t for Leo, I’d be dead.”

At these words, Leo’s hand tightens in his own. Raph squeezes back, but struggles with how weak he feels.

“How are you feeling? Do you remember what all happened Raph?” Donnie asks, holding up a clipboard ready to jot down some notes.

Chuckling, Raph replies, “I feel like shit, not gonna lie. And yeah, I remember Don.” 

Humming, the braniac quickly jots down a few notes, his tongue peeking out between his lips. “What was the last thing you remember?” 

Taking a deep shuttering breath, Raph turns his attention on his toes peeking out of the sheet covering him. “Fighting Shredder, him almost - “ Raph shakes his head, not wanting to finish that sentence. Leo must agree because his hand gives Raph’s another squeeze. 

If he was still plugged into the heart monitor, he’s sure it would be blaring through the roof for more then one reason.

“Okay. Did you eat at all yesterday?” 

Raph tries hard to think back to yesterday, but at the moment everything but the fight on the rooftops is a big ass blur. “Don, I get ya wanna help and I appreciate it, but I feel like complete shit. My mind is fucked up right now.” 

Giving Raph’s hand one last squeeze, Leo lets go and Raph immediately misses the warmth of his touch. “Lets give Raph sometime to rest. There is time for questions, but later.” 

“You’re right Leo, I’m sorry my mind is running 20 miles a minute and cannot shut down till I get answers.” Donnie sighs, placing the cup board down on the table. 

“Perhaps we all could use a bit of rest.” Splinter gives each of his sons a small smile and a ‘goodnight my sons’ before heading off to his chambers for the night. 

Mikey walks up to Raph’s side and holds his fist up, Raph knocks is fist weakly into his baby brothers in a sloppy fist bump. “Glad you’re awake bro.”

“Me to Mike. Although I’m already sick of seeing your ugly mug.” He replies with a big smirk upon his lips.

“Rude! My face is beautiful you are concussed, you just don’t know what your saying at the moment.” 

“Okay knucklehead. Come on, leave Raph be, his head is probably throbbing and your high pitched voice isn’t helping.” Donnie drapes an arm around Mikey’s shoulders and they head out of the lab together with Mikey saying that ‘his voice isn’t that high pitched’.

“Goodnight Raph.” Leo starts to walk out too, but Raph grabs his wrist stopping him, not really sure why exactly. His cheeks start burning feeling Leo’s eyes on him. 

“Stay?”

He isn’t sure why he asks that and quickly releases his brothers wrist in embarrassment. It takes Leo a second to reply and Raph was about to take the request back. But Leo nudged the cot with his knee. “Scoot over.” 

Raph’s heart fluttered. Leo is staying. 

What is up with my damn heart today?! 

Quickly to oblige, Raph uses the rest of the engy he has left in him and scoots his ass over as far as he can. Leo climbs in the cot with him, its a tight fit. Two giant mutant turtles sharing a small ass cot, so it makes no sense to Raph as to why he thinks this is the most comfortable he’s felt in a while.

Both turtles lay on their sides, faces inches away from each other. 

And now Raph feels the total opposite of comfort. He feels extremely nervous from his head to his toes. Why is Leo making him act so funny?! Raph has never felt like this around his other brothers, but he knows deep down he only wanted Leo to stay here with him. Maybe its the concussion making him act weird? Yeah, that must be it.

“…. Raph,” Leo sounds as tired as he looks. “Please don’t do that again. You scared the hell out of me last night. I-I thought that I wouldn’t get to you in time.” His voice is barley a whisper, Raph has to focus really hard to hear everything he is saying. “And then you fell to the ground and I - “ Leonardo clenches his fist to his side. “I can’t see you that close to deaths door again. Every time I close my eyes I see you, and I see HIM. I can’t,” He pauses, correcting himself, “WE cannot lose you.” 

Raph realizes that having Leo in here was a good idea. Because he needs to know he is safe. This must have really been bothering his older brother for him to just out and say it like that. Leo has been closed off for years and always wears his leader mask, but he isn’t right now.

Right now he looks scared, terrified. And Raph isn’t going to let this rare moment go to waste. 

“Thanks fer savin my unconscious ass Fearless.” Raph gives him a small smile, looking at him right in those ocean blue eyes. There is a small black and blue bruise on his cheek bone that makes Raph’s smile fall from his face. Reaching up, he runs his fingertips on the bruise, not noticing how the gesture makes Leo’s cheeks turn pink. “But next time, if my life puts yours or anyone else’s in danger, leave me.” 

A frown immediately works its way on the leaders face. He takes the hand thats still on his cheek into his own hand and holds onto it like its a lifeline. “It’s just a bruise. I will always save you if I get the chance. You are more important then you give yourself credit for. I will never leave you, never.” Leo says with his eyes glaring daggers into Raph’s, frown still painted on his face, daring Raphael to argue with him in this.

Luckily Raph doesn’t have it in him to argue, so instead he releases Leo’s hand and tugs him in closer by his side, wrapping his arm lazily around his shell. Raph didn’t hear the small gasp from the leader. It didn’t take Leo long to drape his arm around Raph’s shell, their legs pressed firmly against each other.

Tucking his head into the crook of Leo’s neck Raph takes a deep breath in and gets a big wif of his strong scent. Chocolate, incense, and peppermints. Just his scent alone makes Raph’s toes curl. “Thanks for stayin’.” He mumbles lazily and grasps on to the other turtles shell tighter.

Leo is rubbing soothing circles on the hotheads shell, his chin resting atop his head. “Mhmm. Get some rest now shell for brains.” Raph can almost feel the grin on his brothers face. 

“You to, Splinter junior.” He mumbles back with a small smile of his own on his face, lips brushing against Leo’s neck as he spoke making the Lead shiver.

And thats how they fell asleep, limbs tangled together and holding onto each other, comfort in the warmth one another has to offer. 

Getting some well deserved rest before the storm that is yet to come.


	3. Breaking the News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *CANCER WARNING*
> 
> *DO NOT PROCEED IF IT TRIGGERS YOU PLEASE*

“Oh come on! I. AM. FINE!” Raphael growls, scowl planted firmly on his face. “I don’t get why ya won’t let me train! Mikey has stitches in his damn leg, and yet I’m the one benched! Makes no fuckin’ sense.” He continues to complain, crossing his arms like a child.

“Well, he does have a point. My stitches could tear out at any second you know! So maybe I should skip practice to..” Mikey chirps, holding his hands in front of his face batting his baby blue eyes at the leader. 

Leo doesn’t even blink, not fazed with this puppy dog act. “No.” He commands sternly with his leader voice. 

“Aw man! Well, it was worth a shot.” Defeated, the youngest mumbles as he pats Raph on the shoulder, that said hand being swatted off as soon as it touches his skin. Mikey sticks his tongue out, first at Raph, then at Leo’s shell. But the leader is to preoccupied in his thoughts to notice.

It has been four days since their battle with The Foot, and things down here in the sewers have been… tense. Leo has been watching Raph like a hawk, ready for him to collapse at any given second. Of course that is only pissing the red banded turtle off even more, he cannot handle the attention, apparently it makes him feel ‘babied’, but Leo simply cannot help it. He’s noticed that his little brother doesn’t eat nearly as much as he used to, claiming that he isn’t hungry. Plus he’s been going to bed at nine and wakes up in the late afternoon. Getting twice as much sleep as he used to. 

Leonardo’s instincts are screaming at him telling him that something really bad is going on, but he just cannot figure out what, and it is starting to drive him mad. 

Leo banned Raph’s beer stash, hid every single bottle, at least till they get to the bottom of this. Donnie has been in and out of the lair, making trips to Leatherhead’s place, which doesn’t help Leo’s nerves. Donatello has been oddly silent throughout this whole process. So he must know something, meaning he went to Leatherhead’s to make sure whatever he found is 100% correct. 

Thats currently where the brainiac is now, hopefully finding answers.

Why can’t he just tell everyone what he found? Why is Donnie ghostly silent all of the sudden? Its almost like the first time they saw a human die. All of the brothers were dead silent that night, they couldn’t save the human, it was a little girl. Mikey threw up immediately, all of the pizza from that night was a bad idea, but he just couldn’t stomach what he just witnessed. Raph was in complete rage, he was obviously trying not to tear up and dealing with his emotions like he usually does, with his fists. Leo was also angry, he easily threw the blame on himself. As for Donatello, he was almost white he turned so pale, he locked himself up in his lab doing countless amounts of experiments to keep his mind off of the dead body of the little girl with the brown hair. 

“I need you to train more Mikey, we cannot afford another ambush like that to happen again. You didn’t see the footbot when he gashed your leg, so no resting for you.” Leo explains, walking in the dojo with both of his brothers in tow.

He can practically hear Raph complaining before he even opens his mouth. “Leo! Ya saw me lettin’ my guard down countless of times that night, so I clearly need ta train to!” Raph sneers, storming over to grab his sia.

But Leo swiftly stands in front of where his weapons lay hung up on the wall blocking them with his body, glaring back at those furious green eyes, his arms folded across his chest. “You are not ready.” He tries to keep his tone calm, not wanting this to get out of hand.

“Bullshit!” Raph throws his hands in the air in frustration. “All that happened was just me overworkin’ myself! I finally reached my limits or some shit! God, and you’ve been watchin’ me like a hawk ever since. I am not dead Leo! I am fine!” His fierce green eyes pierce into Leo’s blue ones, demanding for him to get his way.

“Okay Raphael, if you think you can handle some training then lets start off with a spar.” Master Splinter calls from the doorway, leaning against his cane. “Leonardo will be your opponent.” 

Without turning his head around to glance at his father, a big smirk works its way on Raph’s lips as he reaches over Leo’s shoulder for his weapons. “Don’t hold back on me now.” He whispers, twirling his sia, years of mastering and practicing with his weapons shown as he spins them expertly between his emerald finger tips. 

Leo can feel his face flush pink at the close proximity, he cannot help his eyes glancing a look at those thick lips, before his brother turns and practically skips over to the mats, like a little girl, ready to spar.

Normally Leo would be just as eager to spar against his rash little brother. Sparring against him is different then his other brothers. Raphael never holds back, fighting as if Leo was a real enemy. They have learned so much from sparring against each other over the years, able to read one another’s body language so well. Able to tell their next move by something as small as a twitch of a finger. Its almost like a dance.

Sparring with Raphael excites Leonardo, just the thought of it makes his skin tingle.

But it doesn’t feel right today. The last thing he wants is for Raph to lose consciousness again, and put him out for a whole day. 

But another part of him desperately wants to prove his stubborn little brother he is wrong. That he is not fine. And if sparring is the only way to do this, then so be it.

So Leo makes his way to the opposite side of the mat, both brothers bow, and the match begins. 

On the side lines, Mikey watches with eager eyes. He has also noticed the strange behavior from Raph, his rash older brother normally loves his cooking and eats the most out of all of them. Lately he has been eating less then Donnie. Sitting cross legged next to their father, he just hopes that this isn’t to much for Raph to handle. 

Squinting his piercing green eyes, Raph dares Leo to make the first move as they circle around the mats, weapons drawn and ready. 

God, sparring with Leo sends fire through his veins. Having that strong sharp blue eyed glare on him, and only him, makes hime feel a certain type of way. Having those twin swords aimed at him kind of turns him on.

Wait, what?

Raph doesn’t have time to think about that weird ass thought because surprisingly, Leo lunges first and goes for a mean blow to the face, but Raph is quick to block the attack with his sia. The contact of their weapons making his skin tingle with excitement. 

He can’t help the smug ass grin on his lips as he yanks their weapons apart roughly. With a quick sweep of his leg, he knocks Leo on his shell. Raph dives in to pin his stubborn brother to the ground, but his feet are suddenly on Raph’s plastron, kicking HARD. Stumbling backwards, Raph grinds his teeth together, Leo is obliviously trying to keep a distance between the two of them, but that isn’t what Raph wants now is it? 

His head spins as he throws himself at Leo again, going for his shoulder but at the last second he swoops down in a lunge to get behind his leader and grabs the end of his blue mask tails and YANKS.

A small gasp comes out of Leo, quiet enough to where you’d have to be as close to him as Raph is to hear it. His plastron his pressed right against Leo’s shell, and his sia is up near his brothers throat. 

“Bet ya didn’t see that coming’.” He whispers, lips pressed against Leo’s ear. 

Thinking he had won, he loosened his grip slightly, giving Leo the space to grab onto his bicep and flipping himself over Raph’s shell. “What the fu -“

Smirk planted firmly on Leo’s lips he chuckles. “Bet you didn’t see that coming.”

Slightly irritated, Raph charges again. “Oh you little shit!” Of course, Leo was expecting this, and dodged all of his strikes easily. 

The longer they sparred the more drained Raphael was becoming. And it showed. His movements lack the precision, and he gets sloppier and sloppier. 

What the fuck is wrong with me this week? 

Leo’s fist suddenly collides with Raph’s cheek, and for a split second Raph can see stars, his body instantly flew to the floor from the blow of the punch. 

“Shit! Raph I’m so sorry! Normally you block those! I-I thought you’d -“ Leo is frantic, leaning down at his brothers side.

“That is enough training for today. Raphael, perhaps you should listen to your leader. A few more days of rest will not kill you, my son. Your stance became weak faster then it normally does, you need more time to heal.” Splinter notes from his spot next to Mikey. 

Meanwhile Leo tries to help his brother up, but the hand he offered was slapped away and a big glare is written clear on his face. The taste of metal is in his mouth and thats when he realized Leo hit him so hard it made his lip bleed. 

He spits some of the blood out, onto the floor next to his feet and shoves Leo hard, as he walks over to put his weapons back on the wall. 

“Dude, your bleeding!” Mikey shrieks as if he’s never seen blood before, and gets off his shell to get a closer look. 

“No shit Sherlock!” 

Raph is not in the mood for this right now. He feels like shit, he is humiliated, and mentaly exhausted. Apparently what ever is going on with his body is really taking its toll on him. He just wants to go to his room and crash on his hammock. 

Mikey never knows when to back off. “Maybe you should have Don check it out? It is actually bleeding a lot.” 

“Well if ya haven’t noticed, Donnie ain’t here now is he?! It is just a damn scrape Mike, no need ta get yer panties in a twist.” Raph storms past Mikey, and then Leo who looks extremely guilty but knows better then to even try and apologize when Raph is this pissy, but as Raph was about to walk through the door he nearly runs into Donatello who was walking in.

Donnie takes a swift step back and eyes his brothers. Leo looks like he kicked a puppy, Mikey looks extremely concerned until he sees Don which brings a small smile on his face, and Raphael looks like he is about to murder somebody. 

Great. 

Just great.

This is obviously not the best time to share the news, but they don’t have time now do they? 

As the gears are turning in Donnie’s head, Raph finally notices the state his little brother is in. And damn he is a mess, messer then Raph himself who has blood smeared on his face. 

Donnie looks like he hasn’t gotten sleep in days, his skin is ghostly pale, and it looks like he has been crying. 

“Are you okay bro?” Mikey asks before his other brothers get the chance, he always notices things faster. 

Donnie blinks a few times, obviously trying to fight away a new wave of tears. “Raphael,” Donnie takes a deep breath, tears pooling his dark brown eyes. “The tests came back, and y-you have cancer. Leukemia, stage f-four.” His voice cracks, at the break of tears as he basically tells his own brother he has a few months left to live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger :b I'll try to update soon so y'all don't have to wait too long! This chapter was not wanting to be written for some reason, so I hope its okay. By the way I am so sorry if there is any errors, I am terribly bad with grammar and spelling and shit, so feel free to let me know of any mistakes and ill fix it :3   
> By the way thank you guys SO much for all the kudos & comments! Wow I cannot believe how many of you guys like this garbage. As this pic goes on I hope my writing improves, but we shall see I guess.


	4. It's only the beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raph tries to cope with the news...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whaaaaat? Two chapters in two days?! I guess I got a lot of free time this weekend lol. This chapter is pure angst with a hint of fluff at the end.   
> Happy reading!

“Oh my God.” Mikey gasps, tears pool up in his eyes as he covers his hand over his mouth in shock.

Leo shakes his head in denial, blinking in confusion. “No. That isn’t possible. He’s a mutant! Mutants have, like, extremely good health, Raph is the healthiest out of all four of us!” Leo starts raising his voice, quickly becoming furious. 

Sighing, Donnie grabs his throbbing head in between his hands. “I know, I know! Why do you guys think I’ve been at Leatherhead’s! I sure as hell wasn’t over there baking cupcakes!” 

“Don,” Leo looks at his brother dead in the eye. “You are one hundred percent positive about this?” He pleads, desperately hoping that the tests didn’t come out 100% positive. 

“Yes. When the tests came back two days ago, I was in shock. I brought them right over to Leatherhead’s and we used the samples with his technology as well, and the results were the same. He has stage four Leukemia and we have to do surgery as soon aspkossible, then chemotherapy. It’s going to be a lot - “

Raph just fazes them out. All of them. Still trying to process what the fucking hell is going on. 

It’s like he is in a haze. He feels like he is having one of those out of body experiences right now, like he is watching this whole scene fold out in front of him, to in shock to move or say anything. All he can feel is his heart pounding in his chest.

I am going to die. 

That’s the first thought that pops into his mind. 

He always had thought he’d die in battle, Sia’s blaring, fists swinging. Not like this. No. No no no NO!

Clenching his fists he storms away, out of the dojo. Only then do his brothers realize he is there, apparently they had forgotten, to into the conversation or something. 

“Oh Raphie.” Mikey sobs, reaching for his brothers hand.

“Raphael!” Donnie calls after him, but Leo grabs his shoulder holding him back. 

The sound of a door slamming shut makes all three brothers jump.

Sighing, Leo says defeated. “Give him some space, you can tell him more about his condition tomorrow.” He gives Donnie’s tense shoulder a squeeze. “But for now, why don’t we go tell sensei.” 

Donnie nods in response, and starts heading towards Splinters shoji door. 

“Guys! I’m not to sure leaving Raph alone right now is the best thing! H-He just found out he has fucking cancer! I-If it were me, I wouldn’t want to be alone.” Mikey mumbles that last part out. He cannot even imagine how Raph is feeling, probably terrified. 

“Mikey, you and Raphael are two completely different turtles. If there is anything I know about Raph is he must be furious right now, he just needs time.” Leo tries to resign with his little brother, but he is shocked when Mikey starts chuckling. 

“Time?! What time Leo?! You heard Donnie! Raphael barley has much time left!” Tears are flooding down his freckled cheeks now. “In a few months, it’ll only be us three and sensei. And I cannot just sit here!” Mikey storms away just as Raph had moments ago, but instead of going to Raph’s room, he goes to his own and slams his door for good measure. 

A hand on his forearm snaps Leo out of his trance of watching his little brother fall apart. Don has a sad expression on his face and starts walking to Splinter’s room. 

Meanwhile, in Raphael’s room, the turtle is leaning with his forehead against the locked door. It’s been a while since he heard his little brother blow up like that. And it pisses him off that he is the one who caused it. But, as always, Leonardo is correct. Raph doesn’t want any visitors. Not today at least. 

Cancer. It just had to be fucking cancer! 

He clenches his fists so tight that his finger nails dig into his skin drawing blood. 

Splinter is probably going to come in here soon.

No. No no no. Nope. Not happening. 

Unlocking his bedroom door and exiting it, Raph jogs out of the lair and to the closest manhole cover without looking back. He needs fresh air or he is going to go fucking bananas! 

Luckily its dark out, and it also happens to be raining. Of course its raining. When did Raph’s life become a fucked up chick flic movie?! Well, he doesn’t have a romantic life so its just a depressing movie about a big ass turtle with anger management issues, who apparently has stage four leukemia. 

Great. Just fucking great.

Finally at the top of an abandoned apartment building, the ninja sits atop of the roof, feet dangling off the edge as it begins to poor. The few people walking on the sidewalks all open their umbrellas to stay dry, but not Raph. He soaks it all in. Seeing as this could be the last time he is able to enjoy rain. Funny, cuz’ he’s never really enjoyed it before this.

If he is going to die, he is damn well going to enjoy life while he still can. But for tonight, he just wants to be alone. 

The dried blood on his lips washes away from the thick warm rain drops. Taking a deep breath, for once in his 19 years of life, Raphael sits back and thinks about everything he had taken for granted. Making a list of things he is going to miss. 

1\. Leo’s terrible cooking, how he gets so frustrated when he cannot even cook toast without breaking the toaster.  
2\. Working with Donnie in the garage, being complete grease monkeys together spending all day fixing anything and everything.  
3\. Playing video games with Mikey. The little loser is damn good at every game there is and wins like its as easy as breathing.  
4\. Crushing purple dragon skulls with Casey, drinking to where they are both shitless, spending nights with the bonehead since he can’t go home shit faced and accidentally snuggling in Casey’s bed at night. (Nobody else needs to know about that one.)  
5\. Rare moments when Splinter is truly proud. He gets a small smile on his lips, fond look in his eyes. Sometimes he doesn’t even say anything, but Raph gets it.   
6\. Watching Space Heroes with Leo. He’ll never admit it, and he acts like its whatever, but seeing Fearless so happy for something as stupid as Captan Ryan is really fucking adorable.  
7\. That one night the brothers got really drunk, including Leo. Nobody really remembers how they all decided to get shit faced, but man, they all haven’t truly laughed together like they did that night in a long ass time. And it wasn’t even about something that was funny, I mean, it was at the time, but Raph likes to hold onto that memory. Seeing Leo so open, smiling. Actually smiling.   
8\. Riding his shellcycle. God, he never feels as free as he does riding his baby through the streets of New York.  
9\. Late night talks with April. The spunky redhead has eased her way into being one of Raph’s closest friends, she is like a sister to him.  
10\. Spending a few days at the farmhouse with the family. Where they can be free, going out in pure daylight, feeling the heat of the sun on his face and breathe in fresh air.

It is there, on the roof, that Raph decides he isn’t ready to die. 

Back at the lair, Leo and Donnie had just broke the news to Splinter. Of course he heads right to Raph’s room after he discovers about his sons condition, but the door is wide open with no sign of the red banded turtle. 

Donnie and Leo glance at each other, both knowing that the hothead must have gone topside. It seems Sensei also had the same thought. “Raphael needs some fresh air my sons, so we will let him have his space for tonight for as he has gained some deavestating news. Donatello, I’d advise that you get some rest, sleep helps ease the mind.” Splinter advises walking back to his room to go meditate, placing a hand on both of his sons shoulders before doing so. 

“Are you going to wait up for him?” Donnie asks before heading to his room, thank God because the guy could use some decent shut eye. 

Leo hums and starts heading to the dojo. “Of course I am. Goodnight Don.” To Leo’s satisfaction, he hears Donnie’s door close shut behind him, hopefully to get some good rest.

Donatello has been holding to much on his shoulders. Leo cannot even imagine hiding the fact that Raph has cancer for three whole days! 

Walking into the dojo, Leo’s scowl deepens seeing that Raph forgot to take his sia with him before he left. Stubborn little brother. 

Sighing, Leo walks back into the living room and plants his shell on the couch, waiting. He knows Raph won’t be back for a few hours, but he can wait.

It doesn’t feel like much time has past when he feels something fuzzy drape over his body, causing him to jerk wide awake. 

Oh. I had fallen asleep waiting for Raph to return. 

Leo turns around seeing Raph walk away towards his room. Not even thinking, Leo reaches out to grab Raph’s wet wrist. Why is he wet? 

Now he is fully facing Leo, and his whole body is drenched. It must have been raining. God, he would stay out in the rain for hours. 

“I’m sorry.” Thats all he can spit out, having just woken up has made his brain a little fuzzy.

Sighing, Raph mumbles back a reply. “It was an accident Leo, my lip isn’t even bleedin’ no more.” Raph doesn’t even try to pull his arm away, that is how Leo knows Raph doesn’t want to be alone anymore. 

And to be honest, Leo wasn’t apologizing about punching him, but if Raph is ready to accept that then he’ll take it.

Standing up, Leo takes the blue fuzzy blanket and drapes it over Raph’s soaked shoulders. “You would sit out in the rain.” He scoffs. 

Before Raph can reply he drapes an arm around his brothers strong shoulders and tugs him into his plastron, slightly smiling to himself when Raph doesn’t try to pull away and actually leans into Leo. Leo walks them into his room, closing the door behind them. Raph doesn’t even comment about the change of sleeping plans and tiredly crawls to the other side of his brothers bed. 

Laying face to face, Leo watches his brother quickly fall into a deep sleep. He looks so peaceful, sighing Leo kisses his temple, pulling the covers up over their shoulders. 

“Goodnight Raphael.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW sorry the chapters are super short, I'll try to make the next ones a bit longer (:


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